After getting back home from the meeting at the school I just wanted to crawl back into bed but I knew that it wouldn't make me feel better in the end. I knew what I needed... a good, hard RUN! Even though my mind was racing all over the place I also felt hyper-aware of everything on this run. I was fully present and in tune with myself and it was strange and amazing all at the same time!
As I started out I couldn't help but notice how much this run was representing my past several days. The weather was dreary and drab just like my mood. It tried to rain on me multiple times just like I had shed some tears over the past days due to feeling disappointed in both Isaac and myself as a parent. There were hills that were tough to charge up but I knew I had to push through to enjoy the view at the top. There were down-hills that felt like I was coasting though time.
|the ups and downs of the past several days|
To me these beautiful things represented all of our wonderful relationships and amazing support system. I also noticed all of the new leaves and buds on the trees indicating to me that we are going to all be able to grow from this experience and flourish like we are meant to! I struggled to keep my pace consistent just like I wanted to rush through this process and make it better knowing full well that it was best to take it easy. I started out feeling very little confidence but as the miles went by I felt more and more confident in the fact that I knew what was the best next steps and as I was able to feel that way my pace was able to get faster and faster. It was a tough run (mostly emotionally) and I had to push myself through the process but in the end I felt much better!
The universe works in very strange ways and my music during my run was also interesting to me and something that I was in the moment enough to take note of. No matter what I was thinking it felt like just the right song would come on for that thought. Here are a few examples:
|Feeling defeated and struggling up a tough hill|
|Feeling emotional over the whole situation and what the consequences could be|
Feeling down about myself in general
(Tim says this song is how he thinks of me)
Inner critic creeping in
(another one that Tim says expresses how he feels about me)
all the feelings in one song and being grateful for walking through this with Tim by my side
(another song that Tim has played for me in the past)
|as I was noticing all of the beautiful flowering trees|
|As I came around the block to home- feeling more confident.|
turquoise flower= believe & stay strong
#FFCREW Hat= fiercly united
This was a "turquoise flower run" for me and for my middle man who I love with all of my heart! Now to build him back up so that he starts to believe in himself and see his potential like we do!! Maybe I need to get him out there running with me:)