Who else struggles with body image issues? I definitely do and have for as long as I can remember... the struggle is definitely real! Just when I feel like I am making progress something happens that sets me back. It's usually one of two things:
1) Seeing pictures or videos of myself
2) Shopping for some piece of clothing
First, let's address #1. Fun fact about me: I hate having my picture taken or being in videos! Why? I hate seeing myself. I hate it because I don't feel like the outside matches how I feel on the inside and that frustrates me. Most of the time I feel very strong and relatively fit (conditioning days at Burn always have a way of testing that feeling). I know that my body is doing great things in my workouts because I am seeing progress in that area. I am lifting heavier than I think I ever have and am doing things that I once couldn't and all that makes me feel strong. Then I see pictures or videos of myself and, honestly, I am usually disgusted by what I see. I don't see myself as strong. I don't see the legs that can now do weighted squats when just a few years ago they couldn't do a body weight squat. I don't see the arms that can bicep curl or chest press heavier weights than ever before. All I see are the flaws. I know that I do this and it is something that I am always working on. But, it doesn't just happen. It is a process and is something that needs to be practiced. I have to consciously tell myself to look at the picture or video again and reframe my thoughts to be positive. I need to force myself to take time to look at and honor the good things that I see in the photos. I have to break the habit of the negative self-talk that I have going on in my head. Journaling and positive affirmations have worked for me in the past and I can definitely tell when I get too far away from that routine. It may feel silly at first but just as this negative self talk becomes a habit it is possible to replace it with a positive habit instead. Positive affirmations can help rewire our brains and change our perspective! For me, it helps to journal the positive affirmations each day until I start to really believe them. It is sort of a "fake it until you make it" situation. I keep repeating the affirmation as if it is already true in my journal until it becomes real in my mind.
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| I love when I can break out the heavy weights! |
It never fails, just when I feel like I am making progress and let up on the practice of the affirmations because I am feeling like I am in a good place something happens that can throw me off course. This is where #2 from above came in recently for me. I was feeling pretty good about myself - feeling strong after several weeks of solid workouts and then it happened. I found myself in need of a new winter coat. How hard could that be? Let me tell you! It took 3 days, 2 different cities, 15 stores and lots of frustrations! Something that seems like it should be so simple to do - find a winter coat in February in Wisconsin/Minnesota, and it derailed my mindset!
In my closet I have clothes ranging from size medium to 2XL. My typical size is L/XL in tops depending on the cut and large or 12-14 in pants. Most of my workout clothes are larges. The sizing and fit of women's clothes is always a frustration because a certain size never seems to fit the same in different items and shopping is never fun. Finding a winter coat proved to be a real struggle- physically and mentally! If I was an XS I could have had the pick of every store but my sizes were very limited. I tried on larges that I couldn't even get my arms into or I couldn't move my arms if I did get them in. I tried XL when I could find one but again I couldn't move my arms or shoulders at all. The 2XL fit great in the shoulders but the rest of it looked like I should have a pregnant belly or a small toddler hiding in there with me. Store after store, coat after coat (or lack of), I found myself getting frustrated and shutting down. The negative body image and negative self talk reared it's ugly head and that lead to poor food choices when eating out which just makes the whole situation worse.
Back in the gym on Monday and I struggled with my workout! My mindset was still not right and my body was feeling the poor food choices from Saturday! I did do a pretty quick course correction with my food and got that back on track on Sunday. But taking some time to reflect on this whole experience helped me see that it's time to get back to the journal and affirmations. It is a practice and I had let my practice go by the wayside. I need to start carving out time in my day to get back into the routine. Just like making an appointment or setting up a meeting for work, I am going to "schedule" time in my day to take care of me too! It really is all a work in progress. I don't have all of the answers on how to deal with this but the fact that I was able to course correct and not let it drag me down for several days is definitely progress and I will take progress like that any day.
Monday's workout may not have been the best but I showed up and did the work. After a couple of days with better nutrition I was able to crush leg and back day on Tuesday as well as metcon today. After doing these two workouts my body is feeling strong again. Snatches were in the workout today and are my all time favorite exercise... they definitely have a way of helping to boost my confidence back up!! As for my mindset - it is getting there. I am working on the affirmations and journaling to get that negative self talk around body image to at least be more of a neutral self talk in regards to body image - I am taking that "I look terrible" and am changing it to "I don't look too bad" or even "This is me today and I look ok".
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| This was me today post metcon camp. |
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